Laurel Heights

Another 5.25 miles today. That seems to be about the limit before I start to get either bored, sad, distracted, guilty, or anxious. Or all of the above. I can't decide if I don't want to walk more because now my "free" time is so precious to me that I don't want to spend it all doing the same thing day after day? Or maybe it's because I used to love window shopping or just shopping in general while I was walking, and now I am no longer allowed to spend money in such a fashion. Or maybe (probably) it's because I start to get even sadder about my dad's death... I don't want to do anything for very long these days, except tickle Natalie and nurse Noah (if while doing so I get to read books on my ipod). Or - strangely - sit in the car with Tyler driving from place to place. I have no idea why that is my activity of choice with him, but I've been driving him to work a lot lately just for the pleasure of sitting next to him in the car.

Anyway, back to the walk. I parked at the Presidio Golf Course and walked down Jackson Street to Fillmore. Then down Fillmore for a while, back up Fillmore to Sacramento, and then down Sacramento to my favorite string of shops in Laurel Village. Sad to see that a pretty embroidery shop and gardening store both closed down on Sacramento - but, alas, that's the recession as well as normal turnover, I guess... I never thought either would last, to be honest - both were in spaces too large for the area. Popped into one of my (formerly) favorite grocery stores when we lived on 6th and Lake, but it is no longer quite so fab-seeming. The produce was sparse and they were absolutely blaring some crazy punk music. Methinks the owners are putting all their time and excellent staff into their newer location in the Ferry Building - probably a smart financial decision. Nursed Noah and changed a blowout at Day One, and peeked at bibs at Citikids ($11 for 3 uninteresting bibs? The new Julie says NO THANK YOU).

I also walked by this house - a block from where we used to live two domiciles ago. Now it is an atrocious showhome, but the outside looks great! Check out the virtual tour for the latest in ugly home design. The place is enormous... it was temporarily used as a hotel for a while, but was empty when T and I lived down the block. T's car was actually smashed by a falling tree on New Year's Eve just a few steps away in 2004!

When I walk I can't help but think of my dad and his last moments, and his life in general. It still all seems like something I dreamt. This feeling is probably exacerbated by the fact that I dream about almost nothing *else* anymore, so it all seems bundled up into some weird nightmare I had. Oh well - it is what it is. This is one of those things Dad and I always used to say to each other, particularly about the pancreatic cancer, and when I think it now, I get sad and comforted and sad and comforted and it's all swirled up together. Walking is probably good for me since Tyler is worried that I am throwing myself into other things and avoiding the feeling. It just sucks so much - who wouldn't want to avoid it?

Anyway, last thought for today. What about "brownies for breast cancer"? Making brownies and charging people for them, and giving the proceeds to my 3-day fund?

Walk #1

In just under a year, I will walk 60 miles in southeastern Michigan to raise money to fight breast cancer. The walk is 8/13-8/15. I am a little nervous! I feel it's quite ambitious. During the next year I will need to raise $2300 and take lots of walks to get ready - oh, and also raise my two tiny children - #1, Natalie, is two, and #2, Noah, is almost 4 months - and (hopefully) move across the country.

Today my little guy Noah and I took our first training walk. Momentously, Noah sat in our jogging stroller all by himself, without the car seat attachment! What a sweetie - he didn't make a peep the whole way - just chewed on his special hippo and napped. We walked 5.25 miles, which is, sadly, the furthest I've walked in a very long time.

We walked up the Great Highway, by the Cliff House, and then around Land's End. We also bought food staples for the week at Safeway on our walk back. :-)

Cliff House, 8/23/2009

What a horrible day weather-wise. I took the pic with my extremely old, trashed camera phone so the quality is atrocious - but it is in the low 60's and foggy here. Bleah.

It was good to get out for some exercise. I've been so fixated on everything with my father's health and untimely demise lately that I haven't done anything healthy or good for myself. Before all that started in July, I avoided walking because it seemed to make Noah sick when he was a tiny little guy... and before that, I bowed to the desires of a squirmy toddler who didn't want to spend lots of time in the stroller. But now I *must* get out for walks. Yay.

More another day on exactly why I am taking this challenge on.